The transition continues and while I wish in some part of me that this would happen more quickly, there are significant changes every few days. Some of them are very personal so I really could n’t write much about them but I can compile a few notes here from what has been going on. Some things occurred to me over the last two weeks that I would like to share. I find that phrase interesting. “It occurred to me.” Reality happens. Small revelations are occurrences of the mind. Here are a few of mine.
The first is that despite what is happening now, mine was a good marriage. When we raise our children, I believe our place is to create an environment where the child is safe to explore, expand, dream, and play. Sometimes in practice this includes a facade of reality painted in primary and secondary colors by two parents who just kind of tolerate the world, and each other. They create a family life in which they only participate for the sake of their children. In a good marriage I believe we create that environment for each other as well. Your wife needs to learn and play too. Your husband needs to explore and feel vulnerable, when he is ready. This will automatically create that perfect environment for the kids. I hope all of you at some time in your lives find your way into a good marriage. You have to find the right person of course, but that just sets the stage. You have to be open and honest and really want to see your partner flower into their greatest self. For the bulk of our time together, That is what my wife and I accomplished, and I will love her forever for having given of herself so completely. I truly hope you all get to feel this for at least some short period in your lives. Its wonderful.
The next, is that people rise to need. My son has had trouble getting out of the house in the morning forever. School, college, and now work. It doesn’t matter. His mother would wake him up three times and stress over whether he got out the door and nothing seemed to help or change. Well, she is on a trip right now trying to heal and come to terms with where we are. Guess who is getting himself out, cleaning his room and making his bed before he leaves? He would have allowed her to coddle him for years. I don’t have time, or the inclination, and he doesn’t need that from me, boom. The big boy pants are on.
Its odd being back in our home and not having my wife here. I am the only one involved in what are really simple decisions, but decisions none the less. I’m not checking with my wife on everything. She is out of the state visiting a friend and feeling the exact same thing on a different scale. Everything is just up to her. I think this is going to to her some significant good. People rise to need. She will find in herself, the strength she felt she lost. If you feel you have no strength, you don’t. Once you begin to feel it building back up through what can be some minor victories, like making the right call on a trip and avoiding some hazard along the way, it will come back quickly because a good call or two make you feel like you are on the right track. You are.
As I said, I moved back into the house and my wife is gone, but I am not alone. I addition to my son I have a room mate. My brother in law lost his place and he is staying here. He is a considerate and easy roommate at a time when I feel I would rather be alone. People don’t always need you help when its convenient for you. They need it then too, but sometimes you are called upon even though you are having a hard time. I hope you rise to the need. This was a hard decision, and ended up being an easy task. Its nice when that happens. He found a place but for the moment he is still here, and its voluntary for both of us.
The last idea I’d like to share is that you can’t change one thing. The universe is an interdependent system of systems in a web of interactive energetic influence. Gravity extends from every object pulling on all else around it. Kinetic forces, emotional forces, and ideas are flying around. Our actions have repercussions and so do the repercussions. You change one thing and everything else adapts. You may not be able to predict what the effects will be, but you can predict that there will be effects. The system responds. It has no choice just like the air in the room has no choice but to reverberate with the sound of your voice. If you want change, make it.