The Crisis of Adjustment

Crisis unfolds our lives. Comfort and stasis do not promote growth and it is only through these internal and external tensions that we must overcome by our own efforts that we progress. I have watched as the changes that have come into my life have removed many of the people, places and things that have given me comfort. I do not feel that I was complacent and yet my Soul guides my life, and the removal of these things were obviously necessary to my growth. Their absence makes room for the things that will inevitably replace them in the fabric of my life, and this is true for every one of us.

In my personal experience this has been very painful and now, though I am not immune to pain or the effects of loss, I am detached in a greater way from them. I feel the absence of these things in a different way than before and this is growth. It is not a numbness or immunity but more like an empathy we can feel for a friend in pain. This is the attitude of the observer, focused on the life of the personality from an objective point. This is not outside the self but certainly could be seen as outside of the personality.

I have recently had the experience of a door is opening which was quite frightening as it first began to reveal itself as an opportunity. I went from feeling for years like I was in a holding pattern waiting for the first positive step toward something rather than simply shedding the non-essentials, to wondering how to slow down a runaway train that would have brought me to a new job, and life, in Seattle. It was becoming exciting as I adjusted to the coming changes and I thought this would be an important growth experience for me.

The things I thought I was headed for were refusing to materialize in my life. I thought I would be working from home and buying a small house or cabin in the woods. I wanted a peaceful existence in my “writer’s nook” on a mountainside. I would come into town when needed but have the peace that eluded me in the last few years. Barrier after barrier obstructed my way. My business has struggled. Being self-employed makes it difficult to buy a home, etc. Now out of nowhere an opportunity which represents the complete opposite of those goals had presented itself to me in a way that I could not refuse. Alas, it was not meant to be. Another opportunity has taken it’s place that will keep me here in Colorado and provide the circumstances I was originally looking for. I was ready to do whatever was necessary and that is the key.

Humanity is undergoing a transformation from the Piscean age to that of Aquarius. This is a similar transition from what we want as a group and the mental polarization, focus and training which is our necessary next step. We must progress from the warm fuzzy feeling of comfort in and adolescent (at best) understanding of our relation to deity, to a realization of ourselves as divine. This requires mental orientation and the progress from belief in, to knowledge of, the divine nature and unity of “being.” What we collectively think we want will be superseded by what is really the next step in our awakening as we are collectively guided to a new understanding which we must collectively embrace.

This will not come easily, as the changes in my personal life have not come easily. The old ways, habits, tendencies, and attachments will not be shed without a commensurate amount of struggle and pain. Like an addiction, they will struggle to re-assert themselves in our lives, for these supposedly inanimate things are thought forms imbued with our desires and will be fighting for their “lives.” Ella Wheeler Wilcox said “thoughts are things, endowed with form and wings.”

These thoughts will not “go gentle into that good night.” (Dylan Thomas) What I see today, rather than a smooth transition into a clear understanding brotherhood within the unity of the divine thought, is a raging against that good transition. The forces of desire, emotional devotion and blind belief are tearing the world apart. This may be the only way the transition can be accomplished, just as the attachments in my life had to be ripped from my grasping hands before I was able to assert my will and move into the next stage of my being; something I believe is just beginning. I liked the way things were and thought I was happy. Not all of the time but overall I felt the life I had built was a good one, worth fighting to keep. I needed to fight to keep those things in a way because I not only thought they were of value, I could not let them go without a fight to assert that value. The fight was proof that those things were worthy and worth fighting for.

There is always the specter of what looms ahead as well. Uncertainty is not comfortable for any of us. There is an old saying which asserts “better the devil you know” because you have already made the necessary adaptations and adjustments to cope with the current situation. Change is difficult but it is the nature of everything in the universe to change and evolve. We fight this change at our own peril and cost because it is inevitable, but it seems that this fight is as inevitable as the change it seeks to forestall.

The religious devotees of the world are in the fight for their lives, or so they think. The Christian right wing conservatives in this country are fighting for their very existence against the progress of humanity into a more mature understanding of ourselves which will preclude their notion of the old man on a cloud, which demands worship and exacts vengeance. This is no different than the extremist Muslims who are trying to rule the world through a Caliphate forcing its own version of that self-same old man on a cloud onto the rest of the world at the end of a gun. In both cases I see it as the belief itself fighting for its life like an addiction that cannot find expression in the worlds of human endeavor without the addict’s body to use as a vehicle.

The answer, the teachings tell us, is in the assertion of the will. There comes a time in the life of the disciple where all of the study and accumulation of knowledge must be put to use to create change. Desire as a force for change must evolve and transform into spiritual will; the will to good. The recognition of our unity, like any acquired understanding must be applied in the real world. We often see or hear the term “stand” used in the teachings and in meditation seed thoughts. We must stand in the light. This is an assertion of the will, for it is not enough to see the light. We must stand for something. It is a statement of strength in the face of adversity. In alcoholics anonymous they say that the addict must hit “rock bottom” before he can find the strength of a deep abiding disgust with things as they are. It is because we are so reluctant and fearful of change, but change we must and change we will. If we can accept this without losing all, we may not need to lose it. It is not what we possess that impedes our growth, but what possesses us.

The crisis of adjustment is one recognition, as are all growth experiences. It is a recognition of what is real and permanent. When things are removed from our lives it teaches us what is real, permanent and true. It shows us our identity and the reality of our being.

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Letting Go

It’s been a while since I’ve written, and that happens to me sometimes. I’m still transitioning and my life is becoming a fairly clean slate for me to make into my next work of art. The idea of starting over is bittersweet because I liked my life the way it was. I had a nice home and what was a happy marriage. My garage was converted into a recording studio; a childhood dream come true. I was playing music with guys I had known for years and liked working with. I produced two of our CD’s right out of my garage and they were really good. Now all of that is gone and I miss it but I’m free now in a way that I guess I need to be for this next stage of my life – a stage that seems to have required that I let go of what I thought I had built.

It’s not just my marriage or my career that is changing. People seem to be falling away as well. I guess I’m not as clear a judge of people’s character and general state as I thought I was. Its not that I have been deceived or betrayed, because I have not. I just hear things coming back at me that make no sense given where I thought these relationships were. When I consider you a friend, it takes huge changes to take that away. Almost nothing rises to the level it would take for me to walk away from a friend. When this happens from the other side and someone walks away from me I tend to question whether it was a friendship in the first place.

For any of you who know me, or have read my blog for a period of time, you know that I have really had some struggles lately. I have not been at my best for some time now. I try really hard to make sure I am doing what I need to do and taking care of things to the best of my ability, but that best has not been up to what it could be. These changes will come and I will find myself in a more stable and happy place in the next few months but this has been tough; years of tough. I am strong, but I get tired sometimes. I am not complaining because I know we create and constantly re-create our own lives and as I alluded to above, I think all of this has been necessary preparation to what is coming. I just don’t understand how a friend walks away during a crisis like that because of a mis-step, or even a few of them. The answer is, he doesn’t. He was not your friend.

This is just another shattered illusion. An illusion that I am still subject to because in the particular case I am referencing, I thought we were becoming closer. He had helped me do something that was fun and I thought he did it to help. He just did it because it was fun. In his heart, our friendship had run its course, (his words) and I failed to recognize this in him. When you are dealing with someone who sees you on that level, it does just take a mis-step. It can poison other relationships and cause others to fall away as well. This is a painful but necessary reality and I don’t have time for relationships like that. What hurts the most is what he thought I thought of him. My actions, or failure to act, made him feel like he didn’t matter. It was never the case, but I’m letting go. Communication is a necessary part of any relationship and it was not there.

Krishnamurti said “all pain is due to clinging.” Letting go hurts until you have succeeded. Healing hurts until you are healed. It is a process, like all else in the universe. Sickness is a process. It is an alteration from natural process, but a process none the less. It becomes the new normal and then to alter the process again, rebalancing the physical, emotional or mental processes takes time, and it hurts like hell. When a new normal is achieved and in this case a healthy state, you don’t hurt anymore.

I’m still looking forward to that day, but every one of the illusions that break lead me closer to actuality. I would rather be alone than have false friends, a dysfunctional marriage, a Soul sucking job, or an addiction. I am letting go and I know that when I am done, when I have succeeded, I will be happy.

It’s already starting.

The Journey Continues – What a Differene a Year Makes

I was driving home yesterday from the location of a huge national client where I have been surveying and essentially inventorying a multi-million dollar access and security system. I made a couple of stops on the way and now I was turning my SUV towards “home.” I thought “I love my life.” What a weird thing for me to think or feel. In essentially the same moment I realized that it had been a year in the making. That thought of contentment and gratitude for the way my life is unfolding had come through the toughest year I have experienced in decades. It was about 51 weeks ago that I lost my job, finished my book, and moved out of the home I had shared with my wife of nearly 20 years.

I decided to share the transition through this blog, because I know others have had experiences like this and sometimes it is reassuring when someone else puts those experiences into words for you. I knew even at the beginning that my life would change, that it would be tough, and that it would change me in the process. I also knew that although I did not know what it would look like when it was all over, that I would be OK and even better over time. That time has come. Life is not all roses, but its better and I have the autonomy in running my own company that will allow me to support my upcoming book, “Spiritual Practicality” in any way necessary. I have signed a publishing contract with Balboa Press, a division of Hay House Books and I am now working from home on both efforts.

My wife and I have rented a condo, and this is the first time in a year that I have a true home. I don’t know where this will go either, and I won’t live here forever, but I can handle anything and I know I will look back at all of this from a safe and sane quiet place somewhere in my future. I am almost there. This is the most comfort, space, privacy, and even safety, that I have felt in that space of time. I like it.

What a difference a year makes.

The Journey Continues

I am sitting at my desk with very little to do right at this moment so I figured I should take the opportunity to write. I opened my life up to the world in a way because I thought there must be others out there going through similar things, and that this would resonate through a large group of people and be of help to some. That really hasn’t materialized and I feel like I am just complaining to a few close friends. Well, I can do that without baring my Soul on the internet and “airing the family linen” so to speak. I have not gotten super detailed in my descriptions because my wife is a very private person and even what I have revealed makes her very uncomfortable, so the focus of this Blog is going back to its original purpose.

I started writing so that I could share spiritual doctrines which lead to expanding awareness and self-actualization. This is a related subject of course, and I will continue to use these philosophies to re-craft my life. I am on the mend and things will get better. This has been a difficult time and it continues to be, but I am moving from what had been a reporting of things as they happened, back to illustrating what steps must be taken in order to create or re-create one’s life. I will continue working on my life and talking about these principles without revealing details that don’t really matter anyway.

My book “Spiritual Practicality” is a handbook for the Universe. Its “Seven Keys” lay out core principles that govern existence in the material world. This is because they apply in all of the varied planes of existence, some of which are not considered at all material by most people. Perhaps we will take them one at a time and discuss them. I am reviving the emailing list and will be using that to communicate as well. The most important thing right now is that I need to get back to the positive activities that will bring change and self-actualization instead of reporting on the things that are preventing my forward momentum. It was not my intent to do that but it was an easy trap to fall into. These things I am experiencing are transient. The things I am losing are illusory. The truth I pursue is not, and it is more important than any other possession could be. I am lucky to have found my way into a glimpse of it and I will spend the rest of my life in pursuit of more of it.

As the book gets closer to publication I will be releasing pieces of it for you to browse and comment upon. I hope to get some discussions going and reach as many people as possible with this positive message so if you like what I am sharing, please invite friends to join our group.

So “The Journey” continues and the changes will inevitably come. I am changing my focus to what lies ahead because frankly dwelling in this has become exhausting. Perhaps that is the only real breakthrough that matters.

Settling in to Emotional Acceptance

I wrote about the breakthrough I had last week, and it was real, but I have to admit it took a while to really sink in once I got an offer on my house. Now all of the changes that I have been waiting for are coming fast. The realization that I had just signed away my place to live took about 24hours. My original plan was to buy a small place west of Denver and move out there immediately. This put a ton of pressure on me to find and pick a place and then I would likely have to either rent back my house or find an interim crash pad or couch surf until I could close the second deal.

I called my brother in the middle of the night completely freaking out and wondering if I had just made a huge mistake, if it has all been a series of mistakes, and I was destroying my life for no reason. I was literally hyper-ventilating. I am not prone to that kind of thing and usually have the ability to talk myself down before I get panicky. I didn’t know what I was going to do and it seemed the original idea was not very well thought through. As soon as the reality of the situation presented itself my approach had to change. No battle plan survives contact with the enemy…[i]

Right now it appears I’ll be staying with another friend who just lost his roommate and could really use my help. He is out of work and was helping me with my side business before that dried up. This takes a ton of pressure off of me, at the same time as it helps him stay in a place he has had almost as long as I was in my house. Symbiosis… And in the worst most vulnerable place in my life I have an opportunity to help a friend. It’s beautiful.

The offer came in right as I was writing the last post and it did shake me up. I had trouble sleeping for a couple of days including the night I woke up my brother. I am really lucky in the support system I have in my life. Some people don’t answer the phone, or the call, as the case may be. My family does. I’m settling in to the emotional acceptance of what I already knew intellectually. I don’t need that house and for the moment I don’t need to own a house at all. Rents are ridiculous right now but I’m safe, and I have always been safe, so why does the world seem so scary sometimes?

We look for prediction and control with regard to our environment and I am just as prone to this as anyone. I really like to know what is happening. I’m not nutso about it and I don’t consider myself a control freak but it’s nice to know what is coming so you can feel prepared, even though you are probably wrong about what is coming. It’s a human kind of paradox because we are the ones who torture ourselves over future woes or look forward to the possibility of happiness. We are usually not living in the present, even though we probably think we are. We are really re-living (the meaning of the word resentment) the past, or projecting into the future. We want the world to be what we want it to be instead of accepting it as it is and working with the tools we have on the opportunities before us in the now. Much of this seems so simple as I write it, because we all know these things. I am going through this right now and living it. That is not as easy but it is the only way to really understand. There was a sign up in my electronics classroom which I will never forget. “I hear and I forget. I see and I remember. I do and I understand.”

May you live in interesting times.

 

 

[i] Originally stated by the Prussian General Helmuth Carl Bernard Graf von Moltke as “no plan of operations extends with any certainty beyond the first contact with the main hostile force.”

The Breakthrough – No Matter What Happens I’m Safe

So, the breakthrough came last Thursday. My wife was heading home from her trip, the house had not sold, and I was mad. I got angry and started yelling at her and the world. Thirty seconds or so of primal scream therapy. That’s really all it was and I felt a release. This can be seen in two ways, and one of them is not at all positive, but I let go. I just could not care any more about what was going to happen. I didn’t have the strength or at that moment, even the inclination, to care one scrap about where I end up. What has been hurtful in this whole transition always seems to be what I have been hoping I can take with me. That clinging again to stuff that doesn’t matter, because in part of you it still does.

Can I get out of this with a little cash left? Can I keep x y or z? I stopped, at least for a moment, and the release came. I’ll be OK. Whatever comes down the pike, I can handle it. I will have a place to live, and a job, and my family. If I was destitute I would move in with my brother or one of my sisters and rebuild. There has really never been a question in my mind of that but somehow I still could not accept the possibility of losing everything and still being OK. Life is an adventure. This is a chapter in that tale. May you live in interesting times.

I opened it all up to the universe, and my Soul. My personality no longer had a horse in the race and it felt good. It still does. I am not without a little tension and even apprehension, but it is different. I am back to the observer watching with interest as things unfold before me. I do care what happens and at each of the approaching junctures I need to make an informed and intelligent decision. As long as I do that I don’t have to care about where it is leading.

I made this analogy on a hiking trail in one of my videos and it bears repeating here. I can’t always see the peak when I am hiking. Sometimes it is obscured by clouds, or other aspects of the landscape. But I keep it in mind. I may have never seen it, but there is a point of tension called the peak, or whatever that may be on any given Journey. The real task at hand, once the destination or a vision of it has been determined, is to watch your step. That is how you get there. Your view may be obstructed but not your path. Make good decisions and they accrue into a good path forward. The impractical visionary is the one who has his eyes on the prize so to speak, but neglects the every day decisions and sabotages the end result. It may not be the lack of a goal or vision that sets you up for a failure but a lack of the practical application of what you know, or the act of acting. If I keep on keeping on I will be OK, and so will you.

The Sculptor – Standing in the Rubble

The will aspect of the trinity (Will, Love, Active intelligence) is the creative impetus for the entire system. It is seen as synthesizing because it is the source, if there is a source, of the other two. Without will, nothing happens. The Love Aspect provides cohesion and the mind aspect is the organizing force, but Will is the impulse to creation. It is also seen esoterically as the destructive force. Picasso told us “every act of creation is first and act of destruction.” This is a perfect description of the will principal by, among other things, a sculptor.

In order to release the envisioned masterpiece trapped within the stone, we must remove everything that does not reflect that perfection. There is an old elephant joke from when I was a kid. How do you sculpt an elephant statue? Start with a large block of stone… remove everything that doesn’t look like an elephant. Its important to start with the end in mind so that you don’t remove anything that does look like an elephant. The vision has to be clear and held constant, and that can be harder than the act of sculpting away the non-essentials.

There is a point when the sculpor may look around and think, as I am right now, that he has created nothing but a pile of rubble. I am losing faith. A part of me is falling apart. I look at my hands to see if they are shaking because they feel like they are, or should be. They are not. The better part of me knows that this too shall pass, but it is getting harder to keep the vision in mind. I don’t always know what I am working toward. I am trying really hard to keep open to the possibilities and welcome change but the masterpiece is still trapped in the stone. I am getting trapped in survival mode and that will make it impossible to grow.

I have seen unfinished works from the masters where some of the statue looks finished and the stone is essentially polished, right up to a point where it is just raw unshaped stone. It doesn’t seem like how you would make an elephant, but I guess there is a need for even a master sculptor to see a bit of success along the way to perfection. Something to keep the dream alive, so to speak. Something to keep the vision of future beauty real. I could really use one of those moments. I could really use some positive feedback from the system here. I feel like I’m drowning and at times it’s getting tough to justify swimming at all.

I did find a job, and that is great, but the pay cut is killing me. I may have my credit ruined before I sell my house. Its getting close to being a stale listing and I am in peak selling season. I think the fix and flip industry that came alive during the foreclosure epidemic has ruined it for anyone who is selling a house that is not brand new from the ground up. That is just detail and surface circumstance. What I am beginning to wonder on a bigger scale is why the reconstruction of my life requires the absolute destruction of everything I have ever built.

Isn’t there any part of my life that already looks like an elephant? Do I have to be destitute, or at least broke, to accomplish my next task? How can I accomplish anything with nothing? I try hard to do the right thing in every situation and I feel like I am being smacked down. This seems to extend into every area of my life, including the new job. I have been through this before and came out OK. I know on an intellectual level that this will be the case again. I also know I don’t have to understand the “why” right now, but I would sure like to.

Right now I am just standing in the rubble and wondering if I can ever create beauty out of this mess. My heart is broken and the peices are heavy. I need a win. I’m sure many of you know this feeling. I’m hoping you get your win soon. I honestly don’ know what is going to happen to me. It will be interesting to see how this all plays out.

Notes from the Road (to recovery)

The transition continues and while I wish in some part of me that this would happen more quickly, there are significant changes every few days. Some of them are very personal so I really could n’t write much about them but I can compile a few notes here from what has been going on. Some things occurred to me over the last two weeks that I would like to share. I find that phrase interesting. “It occurred to me.” Reality happens. Small revelations are occurrences of the mind. Here are a few of mine.

The first is that despite what is happening now, mine was a good marriage. When we raise our children, I believe our place is to create an environment where the child is safe to explore, expand, dream, and play. Sometimes in practice this includes a facade of reality painted in primary and secondary colors by two parents who just kind of tolerate the world, and each other. They create a family life in which they only participate for the sake of their children. In a good marriage I believe we create that environment for each other as well. Your wife needs to learn and play too. Your husband needs to explore and feel vulnerable, when he is ready. This will automatically create that perfect environment for the kids. I hope all of you at some time in your lives find your way into a good marriage. You have to find the right person of course, but that just sets the stage. You have to be open and honest and really want to see your partner flower into their greatest self. For the bulk of our time together, That is what my wife and I accomplished, and I will love her forever for having given of herself so completely. I truly hope you all get to feel this for at least some short period in your lives. Its wonderful.

The next, is that people rise to need. My son has had trouble getting out of the house in the morning forever. School, college, and now work. It doesn’t matter. His mother would wake him up three times and stress over whether he got out the door and nothing seemed to help or change. Well, she is on a trip right now trying to heal and come to terms with where we are. Guess who is getting himself out, cleaning his room and making his bed before he leaves? He would have allowed her to coddle him for years. I don’t have time, or the inclination, and he doesn’t need that from me, boom. The big boy pants are on.

Its odd being back in our home and not having my wife here. I am the only one involved in what are really simple decisions, but decisions none the less. I’m not checking with my wife on everything. She is out of the state visiting a friend and feeling the exact same thing on a different scale. Everything is just up to her. I think this is going to to her some significant good. People rise to need. She will find in herself, the strength she felt she lost. If you feel you have no strength, you don’t. Once you begin to feel it building back up through what can be some minor victories, like making the right call on a trip and avoiding some hazard along the way, it will come back quickly because a good call or two make you feel like you are on the right track. You are.

As I said, I moved back into the house and my wife is gone, but I am not alone. I addition to my son I have a room mate. My brother in law lost his place and he is staying here. He is a considerate and easy roommate at a time when I feel I would rather be alone. People don’t always need you help when its convenient for you. They need it then too, but sometimes you are called upon even though you are having a hard time. I hope you rise to the need. This was a hard decision, and ended up being an easy task. Its nice when that happens. He found a place but for the moment he is still here, and its voluntary for both of us.

The last idea I’d like to share is that you can’t change one thing. The universe is an interdependent system of systems in a web of interactive energetic influence. Gravity extends from every object pulling on all else around it. Kinetic forces, emotional forces, and ideas are flying around. Our actions have repercussions and so do the repercussions. You change one thing and everything else adapts. You may not be able to predict what the effects will be, but you can predict that there will be effects. The system responds. It has no choice just like the air in the room has no choice but to reverberate with the sound of your voice. If you want change, make it.

Living the Teaching – Crises

As many of you know, I study with The Arcane School in NY. I have been with them for about 9 years and there are no semester breaks or any of that stuff. It involves a steady effort in Meditation and study with monthly meditation reports and written papers at various stages. Many of these papers become the articles I have written for the Higher Ground Newsletter in some altered form to include the question in the answer. You can read them here if you are so inclined.

I have noticed my life turning along the lines of what I am being taught for some time now. It is amazing to me and yet should be expected that if what you are learning are universal truths they will be evident everywhere. If what you are learning is in fact a path of self development and discovery and you are following that path correctly, it too should be reflected in your life. If you are being guided by teachers who know what they are doing, than they should know what is happening to you based on what they are teaching you at any given stage. This seems an analogical necessity. If you are not “experiencing” this kind of teaching than something is missing. Either in the quality and accuracy of what is being taught, or your execution of the work presented. Would you not agree?

Obviously now I am going to tell you a story about how that is happening in my life, but I have done this before as well. It is true, and it does still strike me. We spent time on crises in the life of the disciple last year and we are looking at them again now. Don’t get scared of that word please. When I use the word Disciple in the title of an article, no one reads it. Being a disciple seems hard, but guess what? Life is a series of challenges that never stops until you don’t meet one. Some of this is hard so training for it is hard… Anyway I defined a crisis as a turning point. At least that is what I came up with. You can define it any way you like. You can have troubles of all kinds but unless it changes the way you do things, its not a crisis. Its probably leading to one, and that will be what you look back at and say “everything changed.”

If you have been reading this series on my journey you know that this is one of those times in my life. I am changing the way I am doing things, and I’m crazy enough to be basically reporting to you on it. I feel like there are plenty of other people going through this kind of thing and I wanted to share my experience. It has helped me get through some of this, so thank you for reading and commenting on what I have written.

Back to the Arcane School. I just finished a year long section of what is known as the “Weavers in the Light” degree, so new lessons and a new meditation just showed up earlier this month. I have been in this program for years now and these papers are all prearranged, The course has not likely changed dramatically in decades. Why am I bringing all of this up? It’s time to send in my first meditation report for this section and here is the first question:

In connection with your study of the crises (if you had any) in your life, would you consider that those with which you may have been confronted in the past month have been soul crises or personality crises?

I love that they ask if I am having any, as if they didn’t know.

 

A Welcome Distraction

So, we are still talking about a Journey because that is what life is, but I think it’s time that it becomes an implied headline. It seems silly to have it remain a prefix to every other thing I write, so sooner or later I knew it was going away. It just happened…

My posts have gotten farther apart but that’s not because there is nothing happening. I’m still trying to re-balance my life now that I’m working, and last week pas particularly nuts because River Road West was in town. I spent some key years with this band as the singer and even now long after we stopped playing together and even seeing each other we have somehow started doing a yearly re-union show. It feels really good to have been a part of something that lasts like that. The same six men that were the band in 1994 when re released the last album are getting together to celebrate that time and music every year. It is a maddening as it is fun and as my title implies, a welcome distraction.

It also represented the last time I needed my studio as a sound proof room for live rehearsals. The next day a friend and I took down the wall I had erected nine years ago in front of the garage door. I provided an extra barrier to sound, and may have been blocking the sale of the house. I had some notes on a whiteboard about the insulation and the electrical sub-panel and included an offer to take the wall down if the prospective buyer wanted but I think the uncertainty was too much. The wall is gone and the studio is a garage again. Now an exceptionally nice garage, rather than a borderline room. I hope it helps.

On other fronts the job is going pretty well, but the hunt for a spiritual center has hit a snag. The cabin rental place is not going to work. If I could find funding I think it would, but the people who were potential investors in it were unconvinced. The cabins are very rustic, and I like that. The problem is that people want them rustic on the outside and luxurious on the inside, and these are not. The reaction was the same as my wife’s was three years ago so I guess the best way to describe it is that the fisherman would be happy but his wife would not.

I met a couple who are selling another cabin place as well as an 11 room B&B but Liz and I could not make it back into the mountains to see it. That will be the next trip. Until then I have my fingers crossed about finding a buyer for the house and I’m feeling optimistic about it happening soon. Change brings change. Once in a while you have to stir up the milk to get the chocolate all up in there again… The universe is an interactive being. When you change something other things will change. Its the butterfly effect. The universe has no choice but to respond to the energy we direct, and that is always what we are doing. We think, feel, speak and move but those in them selves are effects and not causes. All is energy.

So this year’s show is done and I am always happy and sad when its over, but that is another thing that I don’t have to put my energy into right now. I am powering up for the changes and I will need every ounce of energy I can get. I can feel the tension building and there is a flood of activity coming.