Trump Never Forgets

So we are deep into the first year of a Presidency that I thought would never happen. I believe my words were that we were not collectively stupid enough to allow it.  I was wrong and the stupidity and the selfishness and the pettiness of this Presidency is astounding. He revels in crowd size and thinks even flood victims gather because he is there… “what a turnout”.

I thought about why after criticizing Obama on vacation time, his followers don’t mind that he takes more time off in multiples and spends more money than any previous President. Why they don’t mind that even as he does spend the money they were so concerned about during the Obama Presidency like a drunken sailor, he is actually spending that money on his own resorts and self dealing in the most transparent way possible.

I wonder how any thinking person, after criticizing his predecessor over the use of executive orders, could set records on using executive orders to get things done, or as is the case with this particular President, to get them undone. The answer is that he does not care what anything looks like, or actually is. He acts as a child does, with nothing in mind but the immediate gratification which the act brings. Oh, and vindictiveness which guides him when all else fails.

This moment, in 2011 guides much of what he has done, and why he is undoing anything he possibly can which points back to President Obama. Trump NEVER forgets a slight. He still talks about the size of his hands. He still talks about the size of his “win”. He still talks about the size of his crowd at the inauguration, and Hurricane Harvey…

I know he still thinks of this moment, and he is the first POTUS to skip this dinner.

2011 Whitehouse Correspondents dinner

A normal person would have taken to that stage and returned fire with better comedy, if that was possible. They did roast him good. Note that he was the only one not laughing. I wonder if he will ever attend this dinner in the future, as President or after the fact. Which could be sooner than his blind followers hope.

This was the moment he thought about as he went after health care, undid protections of national wilderness areas, revoked protections for children of immigrants and trans gendered soldiers. He is trying to erase the legacy of his predecessor and the racists who love him and would, even if he shot someone in the middle of 5th avenue, have no problem with that. He is petty and foolish, selfish and bigoted, and his treatment of anyone who is not rich white and male is abhorrent. To paraphrase Re. Hunter, he may be an asshole, but he’s their asshole… Well they can keep him. Or, at the least, they can have him back when Mueller is done with him.

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Media Bias

So I promised to write and then took some time off. I hope the picture makes up for it. I have been exploring Alaska with my friend Ralph since the 4th. Its been a great trip, but much has happened in the last week or so. I am going to do something I don’t usually do and that is complain about media bias, but the true media bias that exists not some imagined liberal bias.

The true bias of the main stream media, and by that I mean the established media, like the Washington Post and the newer outlets like CNN, which is much more prone to this because they are TV news. If the bias was truly towards liberal ideas things in this country would be in better shape and liberals would win elections, but sadly, its not. It is a bias towards sensationalism because everything is based on ratings. Ratings don’t have as much to do with content as much as they do with entertainment value. That is why they will have some idiot mouthpiece on the “other side” of every story whether there is another side or not. More to come on that.

Earlier this week we heard the battle of words bubbling over the top between a self absorbed insecure and inexperienced head of state, whose only real concern is for his own power and only goal is to gain international respect, and Kim Jong Un. We were told that we may be on the brink of World War III because of the taunting that was going on between these two saber rattling crazy people who seemed willing to start a war over who was the toughest talker. Some of the talking heads were really quite concerned, and there was discussion over whether Trump had painted himself into a corner by talking about fire and fury. And he may have. Now he may have to back down which he is not going to be any good at (be honest) or start a war just to not back down. This is not a choice we want this President making.

Then, like from out of nowhere the focus turned to Charlottesville, VA where we had a bunch of white supremacists including neo nazis and the KKK having a rally. Yes, a KKK rally with swastika flag carrying American “patriots” ready to take our country back and fulfill the promises of Donald Trump, according to David Duke, undoubtedly the most famous KKK member in modern times. I won’t get into why there should be anybody in the KKK “in modern times” because, well I just can’t. For a bit of historical reference, the KKK never controlled our country and the closest the Nazi party has come was when George H.W. Bush’s father Prescott attempted a coup to install a Nazi like government in the US and was ratted out by a general officer who’s name escapes me, but, I digress…

Counter protesters showed up which is good because we need the other side of that story for sure. Now, I don’t want to be biased in my views but the Nazis came to party. They were wearing body armour and helmets etc. Violence broke out between the groups which they were obviously anticipating and a guy who had driven in from Ohio, because there evidently aren’t enough Nazis in Virginia, drove a car into the counter protesters injuring 19 people an killing one of them before he fled the scene.

Did you notice I stopped talking about North Korea and the brinksmanship that was about to bring on World War III? Yeah… we didn’t start the week or even this article with Charlottesville. All of the sudden that didn’t matter any more because we had reporters on a scene that could get violent again any moment. More entertainment value. That’s the bias. Lets keep going though. Live violence trumps nuclear war I guess.

Trumpo came out to denounce the violence (that was actually a typo but I liked it so I left it) but once again, he went off script and blew it. On purpose. At first I didn’t really know if the talking heads were being fair. He denounced the violence on “many sides” but failed to call it what it was; a hate crime by white supremacists. It did create a false equivalency between those who were demonstrating for the right to hate and intimidate people and killed a woman in the process, and those who were there to say that’s no what we do here in America, and didn’t kill anyone. It was a mistake but were they reading too much into it? I don’t like Trump. The majority of us don’t. I thought this might be just his normal ham handed bullshit, but it wasn’t.

I saw some additional video where he was asked by reporters specific questions about the support he gets from these Nazis and the KKK and he turned around to go back to the mic. Then he said, they want me to sign the bill over there. He refused to denounce them, the violence or white supremacy in general again after the bill signing. These people are his base. He needs them so he had to leave it blank and let his staff fill that blank later. “Of course when he denounced violence he meant Nazis and the KKK as well…” That was their line, but the Nazis knew the message. They stated so on their sites. He kept their support. Nice job.

So, not only do we have a Nazi problem IN THIS COUNTRY after spending blood and treasure in WWII defeating them. Adolph as a name was ruined forever but these guys think he was right. If that is not scary enough, our president is their hero. He knows it and uses it, which is either a political manipulation and he does not believe what they believe but is using them, or he does share those views and he is actually more of a Nazi than a Republican. He lies to the country daily, so your guess is as good as mine.

Oh, and I hope he does not start a war today (nuclear or otherwise) no matter what Kim does. I think at his core he is a bully and a pussy but this is a war he will send others to die in, so again your guess is as good as mine.DSC05336

And the Beat Goes On

It has been a long time since I have written, which is weird because I do consider myself a writer. Much has changed in the intervening time and I won’t bother going into most of it, but this has been a banner year. I am still at Presidio, the job I had just started when I stopped posting to this blog. I bought my dream home in the mountains, finalized my divorce and I now have a girlfriend, whose company I really enjoy. So why now? Why am I back to this blog?

We as a country and a people are a confusing lot and I want to address that. I have stayed apolitical with my writings here and tried to simply write about life’s lessons and the growth of consciousness towards Spirit. The problem with staying away from politics, as many spiritual people do, is that then our influence in that most important area is not felt. Politics can be icky and we don’t like it. That means that the selfless and spiritual people of the world cede that area of life to the non spiritual and selfish. I do not think every person involved in politics lacks a spiritual bent, but many with that inclination do avoid the subject.

What the world, and this country need more than anything else at this juncture is to have that selfless influence in these political decisions and policies. Staying away from this subject is not an option because it drives society forward, or backward as the case may be. We have, through this political process put in place at the top of our hierarchy one of the most selfish self absorbed and histrionic people to hold that office. This is not a good thing and it took me and many of you quite by surprise. I had been posting many articles to my personal facebook page, and still avoided doing so on my Rev. Doug facebook page, but I still found that many of my friends were supporters of his and in some cases were hurt by some of the things I posted.

Now I have decided that, while this blog will still be dedicated to its original intent, that I will be posting things that will be directly related to politics and the spiritual implications and causes of what is going on, as I see it. My facebook page will still be personal but I have already selectively been posting political commentary there as well.

I am not a reporter, but I don’t believe that people who get a journalism degree are all out there to try to lie to us and push a liberal agenda. I do believe that TV news can be biased in favor of sensationalism and that to a degree, that distorts the truth. There is not really merit on both sides of every situation and the insistance on a panel that profers both sides legitimises bullshit. Oh, I will also be writing in a somewhat frank manner which is more like I speak. I may have forgotten to say that.

When 97% of all scientists say the earth is warming, and the most important factor is carbon emissions, I think it distorts the truth of the matter to enpanel three people on each side of the arguement. When all 17 of our intelligence agencies say that Russia medled in our election through various means, I don’t think we need to hire a bunch of talking heads to tell us that they didn’t. The intelligence community has had its failings, and it is not an exact science. The favorite line is that they missed the WMDs in Iraq but Bush II had the info he liked stovepiped past all controls directly to him so he could re-inforce his views on the matter because he wanted to invade. Our current President would no doubt do the same. He makes up half of his statistics on the spot.

I will not be gentle here, especially with that particular person. I don’t know why I have avoided saying his name but I’m finding it fun and this is my blog, so there. He has made an average of between 4 and 5 misstatements or outright lies per day for 6 months. Politifact rates his statements as true just 5% of the time and mostly true just 12% more. That means that over 80% of the time we are dealing with half truths at best from what is supposed to be a straight talker. That doesn’t fly.

The Republican party seems to be blinded by the possibility of a rubber stamp on any selfish thing they want to do, so we are lucky they cant get out of their own way and do anything because he would sign anything he got a chance to sign, other than sanctions against the Russian government which he took days to sign.

Politics is not the only thing I will post here and I promise not to go a year and a half before I write again. For instance, I am in an airport right now waiting for a flight to anchorage for some backpacking and I will undoubtedly fond things I want to share about that trip. I just refuse to stay out of the fray anymore.

The Door Opens

The universe never ceases to amaze me in its unfolding of the principles of life. Just when you are on the prespice of change you can find yourself in the most doubt. As I alluded in the last post, change has been coming but it never seems to come at our preferred pace, whether that is slow or fast. The job in Seattle never materialized and that hit me pretty hard. I have been waiting for a door to open and it appeared to be opening only to slam closed in an instant.

My friends and family were very supportive and I heard the old chestnut about everything happening for a reason over and over. I protested that it was the reason I thought the Seattle situation presented itself, and now It had to be the reason it was gone. It seemed so trite and dismissive, but it was true.

There are nuances in the way things came about that could not be predicted under any circumstance. I had a plane ticket booked to Seattle and when that door closed I re-directed myself to San Jose to meet a group that had interviewed me on the phone. Did it make the difference and get me the job? I will never know, but it certainly made me stand out as a cadidate and I would not have bought a ticket to fly to California on the chance of a meeting. With the ticket in my hand and about to be lost, it was a no brainer. It wasnt the last interview with them but I’m sure it helped, and they hired me.

Now I have just completed my first two weeks of work. The company is called Presidio. This is a better job at a similar salary that will keep me in Colorado, working from a home office and doing things I enjoy more than what the other position would have called for. There will be lots of travel, but that is fine with me and always has been. The big thing is when I’m here I have no commute, so the mountain home is a reasonable situation. My book, “Spiritual Practicality” will be released in a couple of weeks and with this job to support my efforts and feed me, a load of pressure comes off. It will mean a longer ride to the airport but I am a step or two closer to my writer’s knook in the hills, and the next book.

The earth feels like it is turning again and the lesson in this case is “keep the faith.” Things do unfold in a perfect cosmic dance when we allow them to. I may have been forcing the situation in Seattle as I was wishing for things to change. The universe said no but just a couple of months later, I feel like I am moving forward again.

The Crisis of Adjustment

Crisis unfolds our lives. Comfort and stasis do not promote growth and it is only through these internal and external tensions that we must overcome by our own efforts that we progress. I have watched as the changes that have come into my life have removed many of the people, places and things that have given me comfort. I do not feel that I was complacent and yet my Soul guides my life, and the removal of these things were obviously necessary to my growth. Their absence makes room for the things that will inevitably replace them in the fabric of my life, and this is true for every one of us.

In my personal experience this has been very painful and now, though I am not immune to pain or the effects of loss, I am detached in a greater way from them. I feel the absence of these things in a different way than before and this is growth. It is not a numbness or immunity but more like an empathy we can feel for a friend in pain. This is the attitude of the observer, focused on the life of the personality from an objective point. This is not outside the self but certainly could be seen as outside of the personality.

I have recently had the experience of a door is opening which was quite frightening as it first began to reveal itself as an opportunity. I went from feeling for years like I was in a holding pattern waiting for the first positive step toward something rather than simply shedding the non-essentials, to wondering how to slow down a runaway train that would have brought me to a new job, and life, in Seattle. It was becoming exciting as I adjusted to the coming changes and I thought this would be an important growth experience for me.

The things I thought I was headed for were refusing to materialize in my life. I thought I would be working from home and buying a small house or cabin in the woods. I wanted a peaceful existence in my “writer’s nook” on a mountainside. I would come into town when needed but have the peace that eluded me in the last few years. Barrier after barrier obstructed my way. My business has struggled. Being self-employed makes it difficult to buy a home, etc. Now out of nowhere an opportunity which represents the complete opposite of those goals had presented itself to me in a way that I could not refuse. Alas, it was not meant to be. Another opportunity has taken it’s place that will keep me here in Colorado and provide the circumstances I was originally looking for. I was ready to do whatever was necessary and that is the key.

Humanity is undergoing a transformation from the Piscean age to that of Aquarius. This is a similar transition from what we want as a group and the mental polarization, focus and training which is our necessary next step. We must progress from the warm fuzzy feeling of comfort in and adolescent (at best) understanding of our relation to deity, to a realization of ourselves as divine. This requires mental orientation and the progress from belief in, to knowledge of, the divine nature and unity of “being.” What we collectively think we want will be superseded by what is really the next step in our awakening as we are collectively guided to a new understanding which we must collectively embrace.

This will not come easily, as the changes in my personal life have not come easily. The old ways, habits, tendencies, and attachments will not be shed without a commensurate amount of struggle and pain. Like an addiction, they will struggle to re-assert themselves in our lives, for these supposedly inanimate things are thought forms imbued with our desires and will be fighting for their “lives.” Ella Wheeler Wilcox said “thoughts are things, endowed with form and wings.”

These thoughts will not “go gentle into that good night.” (Dylan Thomas) What I see today, rather than a smooth transition into a clear understanding brotherhood within the unity of the divine thought, is a raging against that good transition. The forces of desire, emotional devotion and blind belief are tearing the world apart. This may be the only way the transition can be accomplished, just as the attachments in my life had to be ripped from my grasping hands before I was able to assert my will and move into the next stage of my being; something I believe is just beginning. I liked the way things were and thought I was happy. Not all of the time but overall I felt the life I had built was a good one, worth fighting to keep. I needed to fight to keep those things in a way because I not only thought they were of value, I could not let them go without a fight to assert that value. The fight was proof that those things were worthy and worth fighting for.

There is always the specter of what looms ahead as well. Uncertainty is not comfortable for any of us. There is an old saying which asserts “better the devil you know” because you have already made the necessary adaptations and adjustments to cope with the current situation. Change is difficult but it is the nature of everything in the universe to change and evolve. We fight this change at our own peril and cost because it is inevitable, but it seems that this fight is as inevitable as the change it seeks to forestall.

The religious devotees of the world are in the fight for their lives, or so they think. The Christian right wing conservatives in this country are fighting for their very existence against the progress of humanity into a more mature understanding of ourselves which will preclude their notion of the old man on a cloud, which demands worship and exacts vengeance. This is no different than the extremist Muslims who are trying to rule the world through a Caliphate forcing its own version of that self-same old man on a cloud onto the rest of the world at the end of a gun. In both cases I see it as the belief itself fighting for its life like an addiction that cannot find expression in the worlds of human endeavor without the addict’s body to use as a vehicle.

The answer, the teachings tell us, is in the assertion of the will. There comes a time in the life of the disciple where all of the study and accumulation of knowledge must be put to use to create change. Desire as a force for change must evolve and transform into spiritual will; the will to good. The recognition of our unity, like any acquired understanding must be applied in the real world. We often see or hear the term “stand” used in the teachings and in meditation seed thoughts. We must stand in the light. This is an assertion of the will, for it is not enough to see the light. We must stand for something. It is a statement of strength in the face of adversity. In alcoholics anonymous they say that the addict must hit “rock bottom” before he can find the strength of a deep abiding disgust with things as they are. It is because we are so reluctant and fearful of change, but change we must and change we will. If we can accept this without losing all, we may not need to lose it. It is not what we possess that impedes our growth, but what possesses us.

The crisis of adjustment is one recognition, as are all growth experiences. It is a recognition of what is real and permanent. When things are removed from our lives it teaches us what is real, permanent and true. It shows us our identity and the reality of our being.

Christmas and other Solstice Celebrations

It’s here… That time of year when to all of the pressures of everyday life are added the pressures of the holiday season. In addition to the demands of Higher Ground, kids, the day gig, (I am an engineer) and everything else that seems to pile up over time, we now have shopping, family pressures, decorations, (inside and out) advertising blitz’s, the “must have” toys of the year and everything else that is attached to a holiday that is shares a season of well wishing with many other holidays. Many of the traditions associated with Christmas are shared by other faiths and religious systems in addition to the fact that their celebrations center on the winter solstice.

If you get down to the true meaning behind the origins of the Christmas Holiday as opposed to  that into which it has grown, I think it’s safe to say that Jesus lost that fight to Corporate America a long time ago. If we want to “put Christ back in Christmas” I can get behind that, but I wonder if we have come too far. The modern Christmas celebration, including the Coca Cola Santa Clause that I grew up with, would be unrecognizable to anyone from the 19th Century, let alone the year zero. That leads pretty easily to what I want to talk with you about.

There are aspects of the real holiday that do survive. You will see the classic Nativity in front of a home or church and just for a moment you remember what we are celebrating. But what are we really celebrating? It is supposed to be the birth of Jesus Christ. A nice Jewish boy born 2000 years or so ago, who had a profound effect on humanity. I say “or so” because no one really knows the date. Many don’t even know he was Jewish. We just assume it was December 25th exactly 2015 years ago (or would it be 2016?). Now, if this was in fact the case, it would not have been called the year zero, it would have been 754AUC (referring back to the start of the Roman Empire). People in the year 45 BC didn’t call it that… how could they know? The calendar was later re-calibrated to center it on the birth of Jesus and the so called start of the “Common Era”. Are you confused yet? Wait, it gets worse. Without getting too lost in all of this, doesn’t it seem strange to re-organize a calendar to a date and year we can’t identify? That gives you an idea of how unique the impact of this one individual.

Now why do we have such a hard time setting this date? Don’t we have his whole life story? Well, yes and no. The two gospel stories that do cover the birth of Jesus conflict with each other, and the earliest of the books in the canonized Bible (Mark) which doesn’t mention the birth, wasn’t written until about 60-70AD (we can’t set that date either). Mathew says he was born while Herod the great was King of Judea (he actually died in 4 BC) and Luke tells us it was in the time that Quirinius was the Governor of Syria. Ironically, history indicates that those two things didn’t happen at the same time. In addition, census that put Joseph and Mary on the road to Bethlehem was most likely the one commissioned by Cesar Augustus in 6 AD, 10 years after Herod died. So we are left to wonder…

Well, I guess it doesn’t really matter what year it was as long as we have the day right. Birthdays don’t mean as much to me anymore and I’m not 2000 years old, I just feel that way sometimes. We can still celebrate and just not have the right number of candles on the cake right? Sorry, we don’t really know the day either. As a matter of fact in the first 337 years of the common calendar 136 different days were used to celebrate Jesus’ birth. That means there is a 1 in 3 chance; no matter what day you are reading this story, that it was Christmas Day at least once. In 337 Pope Julius decided that they had to do something. That mess was OK before, but Rome had basically adopted Christianity in 325 at the council of Nicea. I guess he figured they had to be more organized. So how did he decide? In the absence of reliable historical evidence where would you turn?

As beautiful and complete as the story of Jesus may be, it is not unique in some of its aspects. There are many avatars over the ages and in different civilizations that are celebrated as the “only begotten sons of God”. Edward Carpenter identified 21 common characteristics of these Scriptures and traditions in his “Pagan and Christian Creeds” starting with a virgin mother, (many of whom were named Mary) and including the flight from “a slaughter of the innocents.” Interestingly, many of them were (supposedly) born on December 25th. Are they copying Christmas? Not by a long shot. Christianity is one of the most recent tellings of this ancient story.

Dr. Annie Bessant explains this unlikely coincidence in her book Esoteric Christianity discussing the plurality of these traditions.

“He is always born at the winter solstice, after the shortest day in the year, at the midnight of the 24th of December, when the sign Virgo is rising above the horizon; born as this sign is rising, he is born always of a virgin, and she remains a virgin after she has given birth to her Sun-Child, as the celestial Virgo remains unchanged and unsullied when the Sun comes forth from her in the heavens. Weak, feeble as an infant is He, born when the days are shortest and the nights are longest…”

Alice A. Bailey, in her definitive work on the subject, From Bethlehem to Calvary, states, “At the time of the birth of Jesus, Sirius, the star in the East, was on the meridian line, Orion, called ‘The Three Kings’ by oriental astronomers, was in proximity; therefore the constellation Virgo, the Virgin, was rising in the east, and the line of the ecliptic, of the equator and of the horizon all met in that constellation.”

Hence, we celebrate the birth of the “light of the world” at the birthing of the light at the winter solstice, along with countless other celebrations in varied cultures… Does this sound farfetched? Why would a Pope care about hokey astrological signs when dealing with purely Christian issues? If we dig a bit into history we find some interesting facts. Did you ever wonder why Easter Sunday moves around every year? The date is set each year in accordance with rules set in the same council of Nicea anchored to the Vernal Equinox. It is celebrated on the first Sunday after the first full moon of spring. As a matter of fact it was among the reasons for the reform of the Julian calendar into the Gregorian calendar in 1582. The older Julian was skewed and over time the date of the equinox had drifted 10 days, effecting the Easter celebration. The new calendar bearing the name of Pope Gregory XIII would “reset” Easter to the date established in Nicea in 325 AD and correspond with the solar or tropical calendar, the actual time it takes for the earth to complete its path around the sun. So, as you can see there is precedent for this kind of basis for the timing of a Christian celebration.

So where are we now? We celebrate a definitive event in human history, the date of which cannot be fixed, at the same time that many other celebrations occur, for many of the same reasons. Insecurity alone can be the reason for thinking that the other celebrations are less important or somehow diminish the one that is most important to us. In my father’s One Solitary Life series, this information is given in much greater detail including two dozen virgin born Sons of God.

If we look together at what the teachings of the world have in common we may find even greater reason for our faith. If differing civilizations and cultures all over the world center around the same tenets without the possibility of a common language to have effectively bridged or communicated these aspects of faith, does that diminish the tenets of any? On the contrary, I believe it is compelling evidence of the central truths. Let’s celebrate our faith together and truly honor the teachings and life of the Lord of Compassion along with all of the other celebrations of light around the world.

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Letting Go

It’s been a while since I’ve written, and that happens to me sometimes. I’m still transitioning and my life is becoming a fairly clean slate for me to make into my next work of art. The idea of starting over is bittersweet because I liked my life the way it was. I had a nice home and what was a happy marriage. My garage was converted into a recording studio; a childhood dream come true. I was playing music with guys I had known for years and liked working with. I produced two of our CD’s right out of my garage and they were really good. Now all of that is gone and I miss it but I’m free now in a way that I guess I need to be for this next stage of my life – a stage that seems to have required that I let go of what I thought I had built.

It’s not just my marriage or my career that is changing. People seem to be falling away as well. I guess I’m not as clear a judge of people’s character and general state as I thought I was. Its not that I have been deceived or betrayed, because I have not. I just hear things coming back at me that make no sense given where I thought these relationships were. When I consider you a friend, it takes huge changes to take that away. Almost nothing rises to the level it would take for me to walk away from a friend. When this happens from the other side and someone walks away from me I tend to question whether it was a friendship in the first place.

For any of you who know me, or have read my blog for a period of time, you know that I have really had some struggles lately. I have not been at my best for some time now. I try really hard to make sure I am doing what I need to do and taking care of things to the best of my ability, but that best has not been up to what it could be. These changes will come and I will find myself in a more stable and happy place in the next few months but this has been tough; years of tough. I am strong, but I get tired sometimes. I am not complaining because I know we create and constantly re-create our own lives and as I alluded to above, I think all of this has been necessary preparation to what is coming. I just don’t understand how a friend walks away during a crisis like that because of a mis-step, or even a few of them. The answer is, he doesn’t. He was not your friend.

This is just another shattered illusion. An illusion that I am still subject to because in the particular case I am referencing, I thought we were becoming closer. He had helped me do something that was fun and I thought he did it to help. He just did it because it was fun. In his heart, our friendship had run its course, (his words) and I failed to recognize this in him. When you are dealing with someone who sees you on that level, it does just take a mis-step. It can poison other relationships and cause others to fall away as well. This is a painful but necessary reality and I don’t have time for relationships like that. What hurts the most is what he thought I thought of him. My actions, or failure to act, made him feel like he didn’t matter. It was never the case, but I’m letting go. Communication is a necessary part of any relationship and it was not there.

Krishnamurti said “all pain is due to clinging.” Letting go hurts until you have succeeded. Healing hurts until you are healed. It is a process, like all else in the universe. Sickness is a process. It is an alteration from natural process, but a process none the less. It becomes the new normal and then to alter the process again, rebalancing the physical, emotional or mental processes takes time, and it hurts like hell. When a new normal is achieved and in this case a healthy state, you don’t hurt anymore.

I’m still looking forward to that day, but every one of the illusions that break lead me closer to actuality. I would rather be alone than have false friends, a dysfunctional marriage, a Soul sucking job, or an addiction. I am letting go and I know that when I am done, when I have succeeded, I will be happy.

It’s already starting.